Fake Friends, Like All Friends, Are Temporary.

I only have 3 TRUE friends. It might sound depressing but I can assure you I am the minority. You would be lucky to even have one. This is not including family. I cannot generalize family because everyone family is completely different. All I know is I have had too many “good” friendships that died out like a light bulb. I am just starting to accept the sad reality of friends. 95% of them are fake.

When I say fake I don’t mean they are necessarily bad people. They are just bad to you. Here are 3 subtle characteristics of fake friends that I have picked up on:

1. Always Looking For Something Better

About 2 months ago I was over my friends house with a few other people drinking a few beers and watching TV. It wasn’t the best night of my life but I think a good time is only made with good people. I thought the good people part was accomplished, I was wrong. One of my “friends” was on his phone the whole time and being an unsocial little shit. Out of the blue he gets a phone call and says “wanna go grab a sixer and come over my house”. All of my other real friends and I looked at each other like what the fuck is wrong with this kid. We gave him no contest and let him leave and drink his sixer with his other “friend”. I didn’t care, he’s fake. That was the last time I really spoke to him and he still wonders why. It’s simple, a true friend stays with the crew no matter what opportunity comes their way. Sex is the only exception.

2. Doesn’t Invite, But Has No Problem Telling.

I did this for 6 months in between 9th and 10th grade and I lost ALL of my 3 friends. I would tell them the stories of my random hookups, my crazy drug trips, and the awesome parties I would go to. All of which were heavily exaggerated. As the stories kept coming,t hey grew further from me. Eventually, I was alone, angry and addicted. When I cleaned up my act and got everything that I lost back, I asked them why they hated me so much.

“You were doing all this fun shit and we weren’t doing anything”

I wasn’t a real friend, I was selfish. I didn’t invite anyone to any event. Then I would brag about it like I was the shit when in reality I was just a lying degenerate stoner. Bring your friends, don’t tell your friends. It makes a huge difference.

3. Tough Times is like Bug Spray

When I was friendless and had to come home to an estranged household everyday. NO ONE was there for me. The only socialization I had was at school. It was pretty obvious to most people I interacted with that I didn’t have a friend group. Most rejected me for who I was and for the mistakes I made. Only 2 friends gave me a shot at redemption. They knew I had nothing to bring in terms of popularity or activities, they just liked me for me. They invited me to hang out weekend after weekend and brought me out of my slump. I will always love them for that. A friend is a friend when they like you for you. 


I am very careful with who I hang out with. I have seen “friends” steal from “friends”,talk shit about “friends”,and straight up hate their “friends”. I have gotten to the point where I believe most friendships have an expiration date.

My dad always says “I have no friends, there gets a time in your life where you have to grow up”. High school friends are left in high school, college friends are left in college and work friends are just work friends. I walk by former best friends everyday in school and never get a “hello” or  a “how are you”. They carry on like I was nothing in their life, and because of that, they are nothing to me.

There will always be something better, and there will always be those tough times, just notice the ones that stick around. Those are the ones that are in it for the long haul.








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